Many IELTS test-takers struggle with logical coherence in their essays, which holds them back from reaching Band 7+. In this post, we’ll analyze a real student’s Band 5.5 essay, identify 4 common logic mistakes, and show how to fix them for a higher score.
📌 Student’s Essay (Task 2 Question)
Topic: Some people believe that governments should fund arts programs, while others think this money should be spent on public services. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Body Paragraph (Band 5.5):
“Arts are important because they make people happy. Many people enjoy music and painting, so the government should give them money. Public services like hospitals are also important, but arts help mental health. That’s why I think arts should get funding.”
🔍 4 Common Logic Errors & Fixes
❌ Error 1: Overgeneralization
❎ “Arts make people happy.” → This is too broad. Not everyone enjoys the same art forms.
✅ Fix: Be specific and use evidence.
📌 Improved: “Engaging in creative activities, such as community theater or public art exhibitions, has been shown to reduce stress and improve emotional well-being (Source: WHO, 2022). Thus, arts funding can enhance citizens’ quality of life.”
❌ Error 2: Weak Cause-Effect Link
❎ “Arts help mental health, so they should get funding.” → No clear connection.
✅ Fix: Explain how arts improve mental health and why that justifies funding.
📌 Improved: “Public arts programs provide accessible mental health benefits by offering stress-relief activities, which can reduce long-term healthcare costs. Therefore, investing in arts may indirectly support public health.”
❌ Error 3: Ignoring Counterarguments
❎ The paragraph dismisses public services too quickly.
✅ Fix: Acknowledge the opposing view before refuting it.
📌 Improved: “While public services like hospitals address immediate physical needs, arts programs tackle long-term societal well-being. A balanced approach could allocate funds to both, as they serve complementary roles.”
❌ Error 4: Unsupported Opinion
❎ “That’s why I think arts should get funding.” → No justification.
✅ Fix: Use data, examples, or logical reasoning.
📌 Improved: “Given that arts programs yield measurable social benefits—such as lower crime rates in communities with public art (Source: Journal of Urban Studies, 2021)—governments should allocate at least partial funding to them.”
📝 Rewritten Band 7+ Paragraph
“While public services like healthcare are undeniably vital, arts programs also deserve government funding due to their proven societal benefits. Research indicates that community-based arts initiatives, such as public concerts and free art workshops, significantly improve mental health by reducing stress and fostering social connections (WHO, 2022). These benefits may ultimately lessen the burden on public healthcare systems. Admittedly, limited budgets require careful prioritization; however, a modest investment in the arts could yield long-term economic and social returns, making it a worthwhile complement to essential services.”
💡 Key Takeaways for Band 7+ Logic
- Avoid sweeping statements → Use specific examples/data.
- Explain cause-effect chains → Show how A leads to B.
- Address counterarguments → Balance discussion for Task Achievement.
- Support opinions → Cite studies, trends, or logical reasoning.
🔧 Practice Task
Rewrite this weak argument with better logic:
“Social media is bad because people waste time. Governments should ban it.”
(Post your rewrite in the comments for feedback!)
The use of social media has had several adverse effects, as individuals often spend their leisure time on it instead of focusing on improving their skills. There have been many concerns raised about its impact on human interaction and daily activities, as people, especially students, are deeply immersed in their gadgets, which leaves them with little time to engage with others. For example, students often lack physical activity and rarely interact with elders or even their friends after school, mainly due to excessive phone usage and playing online games. These habits negatively affect social interaction, personal development, and participation in new and meaningful experiences. Despite these drawbacks, younger generations are also using social media as a platform for innovation, allowing them to compete with other states and countries through their creative ideas and newly developed skills. In conclusion, social media offers both advantages and disadvantages, but its impact on future generations can be positive if they are provided with proper guidance on how to use it responsibly.
✅ Strengths:
Clear Structure – Your paragraph follows a logical flow: problem → example → counterargument → conclusion.
Topic Relevance – Stays focused on social media’s effects (addresses the prompt well).
Balanced View – Acknowledges both sides (negative impacts + innovation opportunities).
📌 Areas for Improvement & Band 7+ Upgrades
1. Task Achievement (Band 6 → 7+)
Issue: Generalizations like “many concerns raised” lack evidence.
Fix: Add data/studies to strengthen claims.
Example: “A 2023 UNICEF study revealed that 67% of teenagers spend >4 hours daily on social media, reducing face-to-face interaction.”
2. Coherence & Cohesion (Band 6 → 7+)
Issue: Linkers like “For example” and “Despite these drawbacks” are good, but transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Fix: Use more advanced connectors:
“While social media hampers physical interaction (e.g., students neglecting outdoor activities), it simultaneously fosters global creativity competitions among youth.”
3. Lexical Resource (Band 6 → 7+)
Issue: Repeating words like “social media” and “interact”.
Fix: Paraphrase with synonyms:
Original: “affect social interaction” → Band 9: “erode interpersonal bonds” / “impair real-world communication”.
Original: “deeply immersed” → Band 9: “preoccupied with” / “engrossed in”.
4. Grammar (Band 6 → 7+)
Issue: Minor errors in article usage (“elders” → “their elders”) and redundancy (“new and meaningful” → “meaningful”).
Fix:
*”Students rarely engage with their elders or peers post-school due to excessive screen time.”*
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