Topic: In the last decade, there has been a great increase in the number and variety of online courses available to adults. This has been welcomed as a great opportunity by many students, however, other students see these courses as less effective than classroom teaching.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of studying an online course?
Original Essay:
In recent years, distance teaching and learning has become increasingly popular among the students and this is perceived differently by learners. Many students perceive this as a beneficial aid in learning while others think that they are not as much effective as classroom teaching. This essay will discuss about the merits and demerits of distant learning.
Studying an online course provides a flexible timing and less budgeted learning for students. They are able to learn their desire course and subjects on their suitable time. This gives a great opportunity for learners to gain new skills and strengthen their knowledge level staying in their own place. For instance, a Nepali student who wants an Australian degree in business management course does not have to stay in Australia, he can study online and complete course staying at his home. Hence, distant learning is economic and time saving.
However, online courses give more emphasis on the theoretical part of learning and there is less teacher and student interaction. It lacks the practical aspects of learning and encourage the passive learning. This is very obvious that students find it as a less effective learning than in the classroom. A recent study suggests that a greater number of students found classroom teaching far more effective than the distance learning.
In conclusion, the ever growing availability of online learning has gained its popularity among the young adults for many years, which is perceived as beneficial by many people while others find it to be less effective. The emphasis can be given to its effectiveness to establish it as the most cost effective learning than the classroom teaching.
(Written by Susa Dhakal)
Corrected Essay:
In recent years, distance teaching and learning has become increasingly popular among the students, and this trend is perceived differently by learners. Many students perceive this it as a beneficial aid an improvement in learning techniques, while others think that they are it is not as much effective as classroom teaching learning. This essay will discuss about the merits and demerits of distant learning.
- There is no need to start your essay with a general present time expression like “in recent years”, especially if you have used the present perfect progressive tense.
- In the first sentence, since you use the word “has”, you can only write “distance learning” (singular), not “distance teaching and learning” (plural).
- You only mention students in the first sentence, so talking about “teaching” is inappropriate. If you had mentioned both the teachers and students, then “distance teaching and learning” would have been a fine approach.
- “And this is perceived differently by learners.” It is unclear whether “this” could be interpreted as which object. This kind of mistake is called “unclear antecedent”, and I suggest you write more clearly.
- Generally, English speakers do not say “beneficial aid”. And it is usually used as “financial assistance”, rather than “improvement”
- Remember to put a comma before a subordinate conjunction (“and”), or a relative pronoun (“which”).
- “to discuss” does not go with a preposition.
- The last sentence in this introduction is decent. The author has written a concise thesis statement. He also does not state his own opinion, which is good since it isn’t required by the topic question.
- Good use of lexical resource here: “distance learning”, “classroom teaching”.
Studying in an online course provides a flexible timing schedule and less budgeted expense learning for the students. They are able to learn their desire desired course and subjects on their suitable time. This gives a great opportunity for learners to gain new skills and strengthen accumulate their knowledge level, while still staying in their own place. For instance, a Nepali student who wants an Australian degree in business management course does not have to stay in Australia, because he can study online and complete course by staying at his home. Hence, distant learning is economic economically efficient and time saving time-saving.
- “Timing” as a noun is only used as “a particular moment”, not “a schedule”. On the other hand, the verb “to time” can be used as “to plan a schedule”.
- You should learn more synonyms of “schedule”. You are showing your weak point in Lexical Resources here.
- The correct collocation here is “to accumulate knowledge”, not “to strengthen knowledge”.
- Don’t forget the hyphen in the word “time-saving”
- Forget to use prepositions and/or articles will make it hard to you to get above 7 in Grammatical Range & Accuracy.
- While the author has written a good topic sentence, his idea and evidence are kinda repetitive in this paragraph.
However, online courses give more emphasis on the theoretical part of learning and there is less teacher and student teacher-student interaction. It lacks the practical aspects of learning and encourage encourages the passive learning. This is very obvious that As a result, students find it as a less effective learning method than that of in the classroom. A recent study suggests that a greater number of students found classroom teaching far more effective than the distance learning teaching.
- Good coherence. The second body paragraph is used solely to support the notion of classroom learning, while the first one is for e-learning. And the paragraph structure is decent.
- Avoid using phrase like “a recent study”. Which study is the author referring to? It is impossible to get reference in the IELTS exam.
- There are many grammar mistakes throughout the whole essay.
- Good lexical resource: teacher-student interaction, practical aspects of learning, passive learning.
In conclusion, the ever growing availability of online learning has gained its popularity among the young adults for many years, which is perceived as beneficial by many people while others find it to be less effective. The emphasis can be given to its effectiveness to establish it as the most a more cost effective cost-effective learning method than the classroom teaching.
- The last sentence is very wordy and ungrammatical. In addition, it is not a good conclusion, due to the fact that the author does not mention the idea of teacher-student interaction. If the author only supports the argument for e-learning, then it looks like he is giving his own opinion – which isn’t required. Stay faithful to your ideas and evidences.
- “more than”, not “most than”.
Overall: 7.0
- Task Response: 7
✓ addresses all parts of the task (the author writes more than 250 words)
✓ presents a clear position throughout the response (the conclusion is kinda unclear, but overall the author has done well)
✓ presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to overgeneralise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus (the author has provided evidences and/or examples for his arguments)
- Coherence and Cohesion: 7
✓ logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout
✓ uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use (the author needs to use more connectives and less “this is”)
✓ presents a clear central topic within each paragraph (the author has done well on this part)
- Lexical Resource: 7
✓ uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision
✓ uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation (various mistakes in terms of collocation makes it impossible to rate this criterion more than 7)
✓ may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
- Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
✓ uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
✓ makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication (there are only 2 error-free sentences in the whole essay, so it’s impossible to give a 7+ score on this criterion)
