WRITING TASK 2

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Sample answer

Smart dressing style of workers is creating a controversy assumption .Few organizations are supporting this while others are opposing it and confessing as efficiency of work should be considered than their look.I believe,good looking appearance of workers is important, nevertheless, quality of work also plays a crucial role.

Now a days, lots of diversification can be seen in technology which is allowing people to work from their places without reaching to company. For instance, work from home.In such situations, candidates capacity will be more considered than how they appear. There are variety of facilities available in present day as per above example, where the customers, co-workers and companies don’t even see their employees, they are only focusing on the quality of work done by them at such conditions people are not judged on their outward look, which most people are contradicting.

On the other hand,some companies offer jobs and gather their staff under one roof at this place they are expecting their employees to look greatly.To exemplify,regions where people usually work there according to schedules and return back to their residence after work.Organizations are very restricted on this concern because having a good appearance will not only make them feel good but also their surrounding.Which is prioritized for healthy environment in working place,by doing so,companies are presuming that they can excel in their work throughout the day. Moreover,exquisite outlook when meeting other organizations will create a impression in positive manner and business can also be developed inadvertently.

To conclude,depending up on the categories people are working they should be very cautious about how they are presenting themselves and however work quality will be preferred more than anything.

(Written by madhusudhan)

Corrected essay

Smart dressing style of workers is creating a controversy assumption There are ongoing arguments whether an employee should be required to have a good dressing sense. Few organizations are supporting this while others are opposing it and confessing as efficiency of work should be considered than their look. I believe, good looking appearance of workers is important, nevertheless, quality of work also plays a crucial role.

• First, there is no collocation like “controversy assumption”. Second, using ubiquitous buzzwords like “controversy” may make the IELTS examiner think that you just memorize a sample introduction. And we all know how much IELTS examiners hate a candidate who memorizes answers.
• The second sentence sounds unclear and ungrammatical. If you have trouble while writing a complex sentence, first try to write two simple sentences.
• A clear opinion has been stated: the author partly agrees with both sides of the argument (because of the word “also”)

Now a days Nowadays, lots of diversification can be seen in technology which technological advancement is allowing people to work from their places without reaching to company. For instance, work from home work-at-home has been more popular than in the past. In such situations, candidates capacity will be more considered than how they appear work efficiency of the employees will increase considerably. There are variety of facilities available in present day as per above example, where the customers, co-workers and companies don’t even see their employees, they are only focusing on the quality of work done by them. At In such conditions, people are not judged on by their outward look appearances, which most people are contradicting.

• After starting a sentence with “for instance”, you have to follow with a full clause, with subject-verb-object presented.
• Pay attention to the difference between synonyms. “To be considered” is different from “to be recognized”, or “to be noticeable”. The same as “candidate” versus “employee”.

On the other hand, some companies offer jobs and gather their staff under one roof. at this place they are expecting their employees to look greatly appear attractive. To exemplify, regions where people usually work there according to schedules and return back to their residence after work. Organizations are very restricted on this concern because having a good appearance will not only make them feel good but also their surrounding create an appealing working environment. Which is prioritized for healthy environment in working place, by doing so, companies are presuming that they can excel in their work throughout the day boost working motivation. Moreover, exquisite outlook a professional appearance when you are meeting other organizations will create a impression in positive manner and business can also be developed inadvertently.

• Many sentences appears ambiguous. It’s hard to understand what you are trying to convey.
• The second sentence in this part is unnecessary and it creates confusion.
• Relative pronouns like “which” should not be put at the beginning of a sentence.
• Try to use collocation. You have to learn which nouns can follow after a certain adjective. Putting a noun next to an adjective does not create a natural and grammatical phrasal noun.

To conclude, depending up on the categories people are working, they should be very cautious about how they are presenting themselves, and however work quality will be preferred more than anything.

• The conclusion here is not consistent with the introduction, since the author just says that he is more on the side of “work quality” (because of the phrase “more than anything”). It is also inconsistent with the two body paragraphs, since the argument of “good appearance” (the second body paragraph) is also more well-presented. Inconsistent viewpoint will lower your score in both of Task Response and Coherent & Cohesion criteria.
• Don’t forget to put a comma after a sentence clause, or in front of the word “and”.

Words: 259

Overall: 5.0

• Task Response: 5

✓ addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places (the author has written more than 250 words, but he did not express his view in any of the two body paragraphs)

✓ expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn (the conclusion is inconsistent with the rest of the essay)

✓ presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detail (the first example in the second body paragraph is confusing)

• Coherence and Cohesion: 5

✓ presents information with some organisation but there may be a lack of overall progression

✓ makes inadequate, inaccurate or over use of cohesive devices

✓ may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution

✗ may not write in paragraphs or their use may be confusing (the author knows how to paragraphing, but that’s not enough to get a 6 in CC, due to various aforementioned faults)

• Lexical Resource: 5

✓ uses a limited range of vocabulary, but this is minimally adequate for the task

✓ may make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader

• Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

✓ uses only a limited range of structures

✓ attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences (the author usually fails at producing a free-error complex or compound sentence)

✓ may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause some difficulty for the reader

This essay is corrected by Anh Tran –  Let’s Write Something Group.