Two-way discussion : Making Friends
- What are the differences between adults and children in terms of making friends?
Well, this is a great question for me. Friendship is a divine thing and it should be understood and appreciated. Mere giving and receiving benefits is not friendship. The meaning is entirely different from the usual conceptions we pose over it. Friends are not always made and in fact, it begins in the childhood and lasts long and even till death in some cases. But if we consider the aspect in terms of making friends, we will find there are some basic difference between the adults and the children who want to make new friends. When children are in the situations to make new friends, they usually think of certain issues. Firstly they think of benefits (it should not be considered as negative aspect rather it’s natural). Being immature, they cannot think of the realities of life and the value of relationships and thus prefer getting the current benefits. But on the other side, when an adult makes a friend, s/ he thinks about different issues and aspects and also cares less about the benefits. When the children make friends, they try to build the relationship with the other children like their classmates or the kids whom they play with. As a result, their circle of friends becomes limited. But the adults do not make such limited friendships and the range of friends includes people of all classes in the society. The relations are formed with mutual respects and understandings among them and tend to be continued for longer. Interestingly, the kids’ friendships do not last for such long periods. When they do not find any interest and cannot agree on any issues, they quarrel and split up, and if the quarrels happen between girl children, they stop even showing the least respect to each other. However, such issues are not found in the case of adult friendship.
- Can adults make friends with children?
Umm! Yes. Sometimes the adults can make friends with children in some specific cases. But this is a difficult task indeed. Generally, the mental faculty of kid and an adult is not similar. They are habituated to think different. The meaning of life is also diversified to them. A kid may be happy with a piece of candy while an adult will not be happy even if the entire world is on his or her hand. Satisfaction levels are different between them. So, making friends is not easier with the kids as it is thought so. The children usually do not understand or need to understand the realities as their mental faculty is not matured to think over the issues. So, it is a bit difficult to adjust to them during the friendship. Besides, they are unstable in nature and hardly can concentrate on any specific issues. So, the adults need to make the first moves to build a friendship with the children. Though it’s difficult, it’s possible. When the adults will take first move to befriend with the kids, they in return will get some reactions from the kids which will determine if the kids will agree in the relationship or not. If the reaction is positive, then the adults have to move forward with a friendly approach. The most important thing about the kids is that they need someone to listen to their needs and allegations. Usually, adults ignore them and do not want to pay heed to their demands which create a gap between the adults and kids.
So, the first attempt should be made from the adults and they also need to be careful about the approaches. Once the adults are adjusted with the way of thinking and attitudes of the kids, they will never mind to count them as friends. Sometimes such friendships are stronger than making friendships with adults.
- What do you think are the most important factors when making friends?
Ummm! It is a critical issue to ponder. There are a great number of factors to consider any individual as a friend. But the first and most important factor to me appears that the counterpart should be sincere in the friendship. In my private life, I have found many friends who were not friends actually. They did not have respect for the relationship and tried always to gain. But sometimes you are to sacrifice over some facts to continue the relationship. When you are to provide services to your friends all of the times whenever you meet and do not even get a – Thank You’ in return, it is truly disappointing. It demoralises the inspiration to continue with the friendship. Thereby, I think both the parties should be careful and sacrificing to the relation.
Besides, humane qualities are the other things that should be possessed by the individual you are going to make friends. It is imperative to learn about the private habits and attitudes to people, to animals, reaction to the surrounding events etc. All the facts should be checked before (if possible) when you are going to make friendship with a stranger. It is important for you to be aware of both the sides of the coin before you start dealing with it. I have also seen some people regret as they could not select good friends and finally, they get deceived by the people. So, if the people you are meeting regularly and gossiping with do not come to be any of the help in your needs, you need to carefully avoid them. There is a saying that good people bring good lucks and accordingly if you are not with a good company, of course, you are to experience bad lucks in your life. Besides, honesty is another issue that needs to be considered in this aspect. Thereby, make sure your company is clean of all the negative virtues.
- What are the possible factors that cause the break-up of friendship?
Well, there are several factors to break-up a friendship. The first thing is mistrust. Someone trusts you with something valuable (it might be information or any valuable stuff) and you are violating the trust. You are deceiving the friend and taking benefits of his or her kindness or generosity. This is a primary cause of breaking-up a friendship. Besides, you have more expectations from your friends but you are not getting the desired feedback from them. It also causes the break-up. At times, there are some misunderstandings between or among the friends which result in the break-up. Mostly the break-ups take place when one of the friends does not want to leave his or her benefits. As a result, misunderstandings happen which take them to the break-up. Besides, when the detrimental aspects of a friend are revealed, the surrounding friends break-up the friendship with the person lest they become affected by the negative issues. Thereby, I think these are the key causes of the breaking-up. But another issue is that all of us should be careful about maintaining the relationships and sacrifice at the possible cases so that the friendship sustains for a long time.
- Why is it difficult for adults to make friends?
Oh! Yes, it is sometimes difficult for the adults to make friends. But in most of the cases, they are seen maintaining the old relations that have been being carried out since their childhood. As a result, in their adulthood, they cannot make more friends as they did in their childhood. Besides, when they turn adults, they become too choosy to get friends. They always try to find out the pros and cons of the friends and consequently discard the people who were on the list. Besides, they, in fact, cannot adjust mentally to the other people who want to be friends if they are from different class or group. Unless the people on the ‘to be friends’ list are formerly familiar, they cannot accept the people from the heart. It happens as they have more experiences in their life. They have undergone the detrimental impacts of taking the wrong decisions while choosing friends. Sometimes they have been cheated with the dear friends or mates. Often they have been refused to get help in their needs though they have helped greatly and similar many other stories. So, they actually do not want to make friends with the unknown people rather nurture the old relationships. Usually, the adults’ state of mind is always sharper and they can identify the wrongs immediately when they meet someone new. So, they want to keep themselves away from the troubles and hassles by starting the friendship with strangers.
- What will the friendship become like when getting old?
Well, with the advancement of time, people will turn old. At the same time, the friendships will become stronger and better than ever. Trust is the key thing that helps make the relations stronger and it comes with the advancement of time. When people will turn old, they will prefer to be nostalgic and this is quite natural. When people become old and particularly in their post-retirement age, they will have nothing important to do like attending office in time or to do anything urgently. They will have plenty of time to spend without doing anything at all. When people will grow older and mature than the current days, they will try to recollect the past days in different forums. Often they will discuss the past happenings and that will turn them nostalgic. To me, it appears that when people will grow old, they will try to remember the past days for several reasons and also will regret as for why they did or did not the thing. This will be the only way for them to pass their leisure hours. Besides, when people will be getting older, they will have no new friends. They will pass their moments with the old people and old schools. But one thing will be prevalent – the understanding among them. It is the base of the bonding among them.